she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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