she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
