he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
