"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
