Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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