butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
