i may or may not be watching the land before time
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
