so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
