Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
