Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
