I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
