every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
