have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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