why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
