it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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