I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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