Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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