Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I forget how to act sober
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
