We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
