Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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