Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
