This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Dignity is for republicans.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
