It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize