I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
