Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
