dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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