if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
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