I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
