Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
