I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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