You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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