She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
