dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
