If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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