He passed out mid-signature
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
