Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
