This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
