we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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