Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
