New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
