I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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