i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
