dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
