I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
