I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize