if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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