Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
