I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
