the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
