No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
