is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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