kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
