So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
