why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
