Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
