He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
