you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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