My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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