It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
