The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize