Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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