Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
