i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
