i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
soo... how was my night?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
