How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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