Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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