did you get engaged???
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
