If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
