I wanna passion pit in your ass
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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