YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
