I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
