Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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