Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
