I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
